CAPTION NEEDED.

Please suggest a caption for this image. Nothing dirty.

whata

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (15) | Jan 05 2010

See Kyle

See Kyle from Kevin Knutson on Vimeo.

A boy I know named Kevin helped to make this video. It’s prroobably going to win the 48 hour film festival in Seattle.

Classified as: dangerous.
Thoughts: (40) | Jul 01 2009

Obiter Dictum on the Economy

In this economy you are so beautiful please make me a sandwich.

In this economy a cat can measure the observable associated with its eigenbasis and collapse its own wave function.

In this ecology I deeply envy the mastodon its winter garments.

“In this economy I myself have twelve hats including traditional hickory striped (blue and white) Railroad Engineer’s Hat.” –Margaret Atwood

In this economy jelly beans are a perversion of currency.

In this economy poetry is caused by a mutation in Wernicke’s Area of the brain.

In this economy, how do you buy a ><({{{{(º< sharksuit ><({{{{(º< that will suit your needs?

In this economy the guest artist is painting metal chairs to look like themselves.

In this economy I keep forgetting if I have Alzheimer's.

In this economy it is hard to make mosquito netting out of your own hosiery.

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (3) | May 02 2009

Differential Poem

[Numbers 1-26 are translated to letters (a=1), letters are added together according to order of operations except where punctuated ( :=multiplication, _=subtraction, ∅=x-variable), words have assumed parenthesis around them.

Every stanza is a derivative of the stanza before it.]

5.
(we naked) : ∅your_point
is : ∅we_cold
(wind and) : ∅diction_changed
(to new) : ∅time_zen
(night is) : ∅
our only chance to

4.
(grow new) : (buddha_cobra) : ∅mother_saying
(rapidly we_love_cinder) : ∅cobweb_time
(mistress to blue) : ∅flicker_puddle
(is not seagull) : ∅
wing or

3.
[seashells : (peeling_night) is a spoonful of fractaling] : ∅glances_sung_at_me
(glitter our military thought) : ∅what_wind
(we thought we needed our motors rushed I) : ∅
_would be the observatory on

2.
{[(dilated threading) : (we_a)]_counterfeiter_butterflying} : ∅stretch_out_a_bone
(motorcyclist covering pine covering country with no sweater and) : ∅
(we forgot it for him) : (thunder_her_boast)

1.
[(legs imprisoned for the dictionary) : of thought] : ∅
(your_death_is_growing_dying_still) : there

0.
lies : (love with fever)

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (22) | Apr 21 2009

there has not been an increase in plane crashes within the last year

I’ve felt like there have been a lot of plane crashes lately, and I’m not alone, but it is not so according to the Aviation Accident Database Query.

Between January 1, 2000 and December 31, 2005 there were 1573 fatal plane accidents in the US: an average of 262 a year.

Between 1980 and 1985 there were 3220 accidents: 537 a year.

Between April 17th ‘08 and April 17th ‘09 there were only 171 accidents.

Just so you know.

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (0) | Apr 18 2009

self-esteem is for losers

Steve Salerno from Skeptic Magazine has written an article on “positive thinking” and how it makes people stupid. One section discusses the self-esteem-based education movement of the 1970’s, which celebrated mediocrity by lowering grade standards and ditching honor roles. Some students were given more recognition if they were below the standards, with the thinking that, “to make at-risk kids excel, you first had to make them feel optimistic and empowered.” Instead it’s created a culture of individuals that will be satisfied regardless of their failures. “If the school system failed to imbue students with genuine self-esteem, it was more successful at fomenting narcissism.”

Right. Anyone raised under this systems knows that. The idea that you can do it is only motivating when you think other people can’t do it. If anyone can be president, why would you want to be? That is hard work!

I was wondering if I’m Narcissistic (actually, I’ve always wondered that after being raised to go into theatre), but I took USA Today’s version of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory and scored way lower than average. I win at low self-esteem!

(Question 27 is weird. You choose between:

A. I have a strong will to power.
B. Power for its own sake doesn’t interest me.

Is this an intentional reference to Nietzsche?)

The Skeptic article reminded me of an article on child prodigies that I read in the Encyclopedia Britannica’s Medical and Health Annual from 1989 (I was cutting out pictures in it). One thing surprised me:

    It is difficult to imagine that such a gift could possibly founder, much less deliberately be set aside. Nevertheless, this, in fact, seems to be more the rule than the exception. . . as children, prodigies never produce works of genius and, as adults, they may or may not pursue their careers.

.
Of course!

If you attain easy success as a child for being mediocre-in-the-field–but a KID– what could drive you any further?

Praise at an early age is bad for everyone. Let’s start a pessimism-based education movement.

Classified as: , Resentment.
Thoughts: (0) | Apr 17 2009

frilled sharks are in the ocean.

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (0) | Apr 13 2009

Spring Break = new model for the universe.

I just want this to go on record now, in case some physicist says this and solves that whole universe problem.

I have solved the universe!

There are 3 dimensions of time. (Some guy here says there are 2 dimensions which is supposed to be really controversial, but I’m saying he’s wrong and there are 3 dimensions.)

There could be some utility to this, because it could bring together Feynman’s multiple histories theorem in Quantum Mechanics and the 2nd dimension of “imaginary time” Stephen Hawking uses to calculate around black holes. The 2nd dimension is just real time that’s imperceptible, and the third dimension goes up into alternative histories.

We only see one dimension—the x-axis, eternity—but humans weren’t ‘created’ to understand the universe, and there’s no reason to assume we have the faculties to see everything that’s out there.

The y-axis could be made up of a continuum of perceivers, or subjects that can make quantum measurements and collapse a wave-function. What sorts of subjects can do that? People? Cats? Nebulae? I don’t think that’s been defined yet. But they can form an infinite continuum during any one instant along the x-axis. Anyone that could perceive this y-axis like we can perceive the x-axis would be omniscient at a given point.

(And how could there be a continuum of perceivers? We’re used to only thinking of one mind or perceiver at a time, but you can imagine a way to get over this like calculus was able to get over Xeno’s Paradox).

The z-axis could go off into Feynman’s multiple histories. This multiple histories model is a perfect way to explain the problem of superpositions in quantum mechanics, but I don’t like the way he has all histories except ours cancel each other out. (Too convenient, like Einstein’s cosmological constant which canceled out the gravitational effects of matter to allow for a static universe).

If you imagine every possible history as a different page in a book, stabbing through the book would be like stabbing along the z-axis.

Then, when you take all three dimensions of time together, it’s easier to imagine time having a beginning and end like a sphere, as Hawking argues it does. When there are zero observers and zero alternative histories you’ve made it to the north or south pole, and it doesn’t make sense to ask what time was like before or after that.

I don’t REALLY know if this would help with any deep calculations in finding the “theory of everything” but. The point is: trippy.

[This week I listened to an audiobook of Stephen Hawking’s The Universe in a Nutshell about 6 times, then a 13 hour lecture on the history of science, a 12 hour lecture on St. Augustine’s confessions, and a few hours on calculus. . . and an audio book of Slaughterhouse Five.

Spring Break = new model for the universe.]

Classified as: theory.
Thoughts: (0) | Apr 07 2009

Remind me to shut the door.

I accidentally left the door to my apartment open today, and when I came back something like a large cat or a small bear ran out past me and jumped the fence. It was too dark to see. I don’t think there are any more bears in my apartment though.

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (2) | Apr 04 2009

Lindsey to Grandma. Grandma I am scared that I’ll be alone like you when I am old.

Grandma to Lindsey. My son, the fruit never falls far from its tree.

Lindsey to Grandma. No, not if it’s on the edge of a cliff. What if it’s on the rim of a volcano and the fruit falls in but doesn’t melt because it’s the Tree of Knowledge? Could fruit from the Tree of Knowledge make it all the way to Russia? Yes. And would Vladimir Putin find it? Yes. What then? Nuclear arms race? We can’t because they have all the knowledge.

Grandma to Lindsey. If the communists get you my son, we will find a way to do without.

Lindsey to Grandma. Grandma communism ended a long time ago.

Classified as: Poetry.
Thoughts: (0) | Mar 25 2009

One thing I’ve been feeling since I started school here is that if my brain is starting to rot everyone’s going to be too polite to tell me.

If you see stuff coming out of my ears just come out and let me know. Or hit me over the head with a rock because probably I’m a zombie.

One thing about this blog is that I’m going to stop publishing other people’s poems on it, because I found out that sometimes poets like money for their poems and I don’t want to give them any.

Also no more philosophy ranting.

This will be where my poetry artifacts go.

This post will probably have to go.

Also how come my google image bomb failed.//// I will study the googimage arcana and try again. JUST YOU WAIT.

Classified as: Poetry, Resentment, dangerous, politicalness, theory, triumph..
Thoughts: (1) | Mar 25 2009

on a note of triumph.

I have been sleeping on a tabletop for a month with two mattress pads like this:

Real mattresses are for stupid.

Classified as: triumph..
Thoughts: (1) | Mar 21 2009

leader ghazal

t

While we were dancing we thought Kim Jong-il
should know we think only of Kim Jong-il.

We keep our elbows on our stomachs and
frown in the springtime sun like Kim Jong-il.

There are two rainbows in a circle.
Perhaps it’s a birthday for Kim Jong-il.

Where are you going with those mustard jars?
We’re not going to throw them at Kim Jong-il.

My grandma plays scrabble alone in the hall
while I’m making models of Kim Jong-il.

We see footage of the astronaut; if
he slips he will fall into Kim Jong-il.

Who is that lovely boy in a bow-tie?
I blush and he’s looking at Kim Jong-il.

London spreads jam on her toast and shivers.
The figure looks just like a Kim Jong-il.

Classified as: Poetry.
Thoughts: (0) | Feb 27 2009

them poems

Poems I’m going to write and submit to the New Yorker:

Poem that I spilled a soda on but can still kind of read

Poem that isn’t just about porn but is porn

Shall I compare thee to a summative datum?

Ballad of fatal stab wounds

I love you here is a gold star

How to communicate diseases through a public pool

Excerpts from your secret diary that is now mine

Dissertation on American imperial brutality as sung by Jewel

Do not make paper birds out of this poem, for it is ELOQUENT

This poem is reading your thoughts but it approves

Lullabies for your digestive tract

There is a magic rainbow on the horizon + beer

Fate leaves me bereft of free-pizza gumball

I am a better writer than Shakespeare

Grandma called to say the elevator doesn’t smell bad anymore

Classified as: Poetry.
Thoughts: (0) | Feb 21 2009

Advice Column:

RB of Orinda asks,

I don’t want advice from you.

Good point RB. Be sure to get that checked next time you go to the hospital.

Classified as: , advice column.
Thoughts: (0) | Feb 21 2009

No, guys. This is a great idea.

SEA KITTEN

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (2) | Jan 25 2009

peace!

this is my cousin:

Classified as: politicalness.
Thoughts: (0) | Dec 15 2008

THIS WEEK: how to steal like Kafka

RUSSIAN LIVEJOURNAL stole my poem. Summary: rats are stealing his sour cream and he hopes to scare them away with a message written in English. An old poem of mine is suggested.

    post:
    Begin one should from the fact that I eat sour cream … Recently, I explained that the office mice trampled to my sour cream… In order to remove mice from the sour cream, [my boss] deleted on the cover all original letters with the irreversible marker and wrote “Rat poison. Do not gorge!”

    The raids of mice ceased. I was gladdened. … Today rats arrived into the office. Rats disemboweled the refrigerator and threw all that they calculated as not-food into the debris tank. My sour cream, as food did not descend.

    …But somewhere scientists encounter the elementary particles in the wombs of their synchrophasotrons. Unclean czars of nature.

      comment: Write in the Indian language … Not all mice in English understand.

        reply: Write- that I can, but chances to fall into the language of mouse is small. Mice already have very much of the languages. In the previous refrigerator, by the way, visited mice. I even found them into my soybean milk.

      comment:
      “That man stole my sandwich.
      I had it five minutes ago,
      And I know
      He’s always after my sandwiches.
      So
      He eyes me conspicuously
      As I eye him back
      Knowingly.
      We make eye contact.
      There’s a blatant connection.
      Oh yes,
      I’m on to him.
      Oh wait, here it is.”

      Lindsey Baggette
      Eastlake High School
      Grade 11

      comment: Lesson to you: it is necessary to eat them hot, but not to place into some sweaty packet.

Classified as: .
Thoughts: (0) | Dec 12 2008

NEW at LOBRE

The company at London Bread have decided that this blog is now an advice column. Please send your lowly or heart-rendering questions to:

you.can.read@gmail.com

The theme for this column is existential angst or how to be as cool as dice.

Classified as: advice column.
Thoughts: (1) | Dec 10 2008